The One Trait that Turns Setbacks into Comebacks
We all face setbacks, stress and difficulties in life. A friend of our family returned home early from a business trip one weekend, and found his spouse in bed with another man. Consequently, he was stunned, and eventually got a divorce. Soon after this, he found out he had cancer and began an intense treatment. In addition, he missed a lot of time at work because of his health, where he ended up being re-organized into a lay off. Experts suggest this list as a top ten for setbacks in life:
The Top 10 Setbacks in Life
- Serious illness
- Financial problems
- Loss of a loved one
- Loss of a child
- An accident with personal injury
- Drug or alcohol addiction
- A Relationship Breakup or Divorce
- Getting fired or laid off
- A Bad Boss or work related conflict
- A catastrophe that affects many at the same time
When you research deeper into successful people who’ve suffered setbacks in life, you discover one thing in common: resiliency. They all had failures and disappointments, yet they didn’t quit. They may have had their bad moments but they bounced back. Our friend suffered three awful events around the same time that literally crushed the life out of him. Yet, he hung on with resiliency which is often called “heart”. This refers to courage, determination, persistence, resolve, fortitude, and a hope that life will get better. Eventually our friend recovered for his illness and landed a better job. He’s still looking for a new love.
Resiliency is the one trait psychologists say that determines the quality of a person’s life. Without it, people who meet defeat never seem to move forward. Instead they tend to blame others or circumstances. They also hold grudges, lack direction, quit too soon, give little effort, short-change discipline and persistence, and don’t ask for or listen to advice. These qualities don’t improve life’s difficult circumstances.
5 Ways to Turn Setbacks into a Comeback
Resiliency is a capacity for self-transformation and change. It’s not genetic; it’s learned. Resilient people recover pretty quickly from difficulties to try again and to live even more effectively. According to research they have five characteristics:
- Self-awareness– They recognize their emotional responses and why it happens. In addition, they pay attention to the behavior of others their emotions impact.
- Internal focus of control– They take responsibility for their own actions. They know the importance and power of their own choices.
- Setbacks are a part of life– They realize that perfection and winning in everything is not the script for a fulfilling life. They seem to enjoy the process and seek the humor in it, too.
- Problem-solving skills– They have learned how to learn to deal with their challenges and to persevere.
- Social support structure– They have networks of people they depend on for help, hope, and guidance, which is extremely important.
Resilient people cultivate an inner toughness to re-frame their hardships. This activates successful living even when some of their goals or activities don’t work out. People with heart rise above failure or unexpected challenges. These events fuel them forward. Therefore, in time, resilient people sustain a happier and more fulfilling life.
Writer and poet Maya Angelou said these beautiful words that relate to resiliency: ” If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Nobody controls all the events that happen to them, but all of us can control how we respond. Winston Churchill added this wisdom: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
How do you survive life’s curve balls and keep your sanity? Author Rick Warren concludes, “Life is full of problems and solutions. The challenges we face either destroy us or make us stronger.”
Do you want more success in life? See this complimentary guide and assessment on habits of successful people: Success Practices Guidebook.